Bossy or what?

I can remember being told by my sister that she did not enjoy playing with me as a child because I was so bossy. On hearing that as an adult I was confused because I never felt capable of controlling even my own behaviour, let alone the behaviour of others.... Part of what I am learning in my Masters in Autism Studies is information about just how little match there is between behaviour and intent. I do not doubt that my behaviour appeared bossy, but my intent was to feel able to control my environment enough to avoid anxiety. A lack of structure is enough to create anxiety for me so it is vital to control the environment.

Even as an adult, people have interpreted my very structured manner of life as me being a control freak. That interpretation is totally incorrect. I do not attempt to control the behaviour of others (which is the definition of being a control freak); my goal in controlling my environment is to embed predictability into my life as predictability is the only way I have to control debilitating anxiety. So.... I am not bossy and I am not a control freak. I am just an Aspie trying to self regulate by regulating my own environment.